soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
