I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
