dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
