my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
