it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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