Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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