as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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