I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
