So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
