im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
