This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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