It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
