I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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