Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
