Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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