Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
