hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
