I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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