how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
