At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Randomize
