some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
