Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
