watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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