and you said cock pushups were impossible
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
