Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
