TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
