Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
