I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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