Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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