He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
