is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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