I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
