I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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