I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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