Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
