wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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