You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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