Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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