True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
