I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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