I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
