i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just found a bag of teeth...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize