Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
