In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is the high leading the old right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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