Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
