wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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