She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
