somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
