I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
me + whiskey = a bad person
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
