My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
