I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize