I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
