just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
