good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
