Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
