when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
