At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
