Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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