I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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