Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
