I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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