What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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