If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We are two peas in an std pod
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
