He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize