I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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