Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
