I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
