So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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