the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
