i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
