am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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