oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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