My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
false alarm. still invincible.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
