I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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