My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize