i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
