i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
