All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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