and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
