help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
