wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
