dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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