Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
