i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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