I cut my penus on the lid.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
