he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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