Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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