oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am one with the molecules
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize