I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
