it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
