Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
