We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
