I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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