i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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