genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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