I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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