3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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