I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize