he wants to bone in the snuggie
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
