Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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