I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
