i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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