Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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