Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
