I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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