she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
