After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
