idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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