last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
