; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
birth control should be required to get into college
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
